Monday, December 20, 2010

A little ditty from Mister Keith Shubert

What if christmas didn't come this year
and no one paid for christmas cheer?
Who would cry the biggest tear,
the child or the store?




Thursday, December 16, 2010

Notes and Book Suggestions...

The Joke by Kundera

Journey to Ixtlan

The Alchemist

The Field: The Quest for the Secret Force of the Universe

Merleau-Ponty's Phenomenology of Perception

"Thank you cosmos for this nourishment of my body. I appreciate the being that I inhabits my body and I will do my best to take every opportunity given to me in order to live this life to the fullest"

"We are all born good - all the other things keep us astray"

"our parents were the salt of the earth"

But Evil? She acts according to her nature - is that evil?

some things are too big to be seen; some emotions too huge to be felt

like a dawn dream on waking that colors the day but can not be touched or remembered

no living thing is to die at my wedding

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Monday, December 13, 2010

Can't be everything to everyone all the time.

Friday, December 3, 2010

~Romance Me~

And if a kiss could melt a heart, show me.
Tonight or maybe in the dark, hold me.
Cause when you kiss me,
the sky just seems to fall.
I guess its love I'm feeling after all.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Mentally Exhausted

Could we please just take a break.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I love it when people point out my judgements - whether they be good or bad, minute or grave - there should be no judging or stereotyping. We are all one and I LOVE it when people point out my mistakes.
I'm watching a documentary on the circus and performers and it brings tears to my eyes (particularly the clows)

To remember my Tarot Card Reading (06/2010)

Embark on a journey of self-discovery, with a focus on spirituality.
Will become more intouch with your creative side.
I am on the right path, I must make sure not to veer.
In the end you will find yourself successful.

Fuck, I wish I could remember more.

Introspection - a Feeling of Belonging and Family

A Pining for Belonging.

I want to feel a part of something special - a family, a community, some sort of organization. I want to develop history with it. I want it to be engrained in my blood. I want its legacy to be passed on through generations. To be creative, to explore the self, to explore others, to learn, to grow together, to support. I want it to have structure, I want it to be defined. I want it to have a name. I want it to be INCLUSIVE. I want there to be above all sincerity and trust.

Why have I been such a Pisces? Changing directions with a obsequious indifference. Going from place to place, never settling - experimenting, conversing, exploring other's families, homes, surroundings. I'm beginning to think that my actions are not so impassive, but rather fervently intentional. I'm searching for a family to belong to - an organization to associate with. One to call my own. One I can pass on to my children. One to create a history that consists of many people, rather than just my own or a specific relationship with one other. I want our separate journies to combine and move forward as one.

Which suffices to say - what has there to be said about "being along". Self-sufficiency, independence, self-assurance, are all good things. Maybe I hope to become a part of a family that has reached comfort with aloneness and is ready to take this one step farther.

And to realize -
There are people that are trying to get out. There are people that don't appreciate the families that you have. There are people trying to get in. There are people that aren't trying to get in at all. There are people that feeling like insiders and people that feel like outsiders.
Does a significant other distract you from what you are doing or help you by taking care of you when you're not working?

Dream** Fetedness

To jot a quick notes - again, I should have done this earlier

We were in New Orleans for a celebration and I was getting dressed in an elaborate costume - all black and white stripes with red furry boots and red in my hair. While getting dressed I had opened a box of vertically striped leggings that had evidently been on recall. The recall was mandated because the boxes were filled with translucent or opaque spiders that evidently had bitten me a couple of times from the last package of tights I had opened - makes sense now. My family had decided to continue without me while I get dressed (them not even being in costume!). I finally was dressed and ready and hurried down the streets of the Quarter to see the parade! I was so surprised when I ran into my family - I never thought I'd find them in this crowd - and we continued along out way together in such jocular celebration.

Wonderful Words from BT

The goal is for my audience to feel something evocative and meaningful but qualitatively different than anything they've heard or experienced. It's like searching for a new species of music. In a way, I am more of an explorer than a composer.

The intent of consuming music is usually to have an awareness or a feeling, to have an truly, empathic connection to others. Whatever it is that you're going through, music makes you feel less alone. You feel a primordial connection to people and the natural world. My hope is to create something that make people feel that they have consumed something that completes a void. I want to create something lasting.

Monday, November 15, 2010


Being beat and down in the world. Realize. Everything goes to the beat. Its the beat generation. Its the beat to keep. Its a beat to dance to. Its the beat of the heart.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Poly-amory - No Thanks for Now

Hey Ionana -

I wanted to respond to your letter I received in the mail today - possibly to clarify a few things and continue to grow alongside you. This is what I wrote without correction after I read your letter -
"My sincerest apologies to you Yo-yo.

Adding the entire concept of polyamory to the mix made for quite a interestingly confusing time. From what I had understood, You and Zach had not yet defined the nature of your polyamorous relationship and were in the midst of sailing uncharted waters. You had mentioned that the two of you were defining and conceptualizing as you went through experiences.

While I was not intersted in having a three-way, I was considering another option with which I felt more comforatble - being intimate with only Zach. This was not meant to offend; however, I do apologize that it did. I'm sorry.

An explanation - I have my own own ideologies and personal boundaries that I was bringing to your (pl.) dynamic - what I had to offer to a polyamorous relationship. I subjectively define polyamory as being fully intimate in every way, shape, and form with more than one being, being "in love" with more than one being - requiring each partner to supporting each other in fostering these types of relationships with others. This being sequestered from an open-relationship, in which intimate partners have causal sexual relations with others openly."

That being said, I completely understand what you refer to when you mentioned "the how". I am also one to support the adage "its not what you do, its how you do it" - the undertones of the what are inexcusable as well as unexplainable.

Are you still reading :)

I look at this incident as a learning experience, not so much as a moot point; however, conversing with Zach the other night reminded me that I am currently endulging myself in, as Osho names, "aloneness" - being as selfish as my Piscean heart will allow for the first time in a long time. I've given perhaps too much of myself to others and now is my time to be introspective and focus on myself for a change. In which case, being involved in my definition of a polyamorous relationship is infeasible.

For now, I recommend that we forget this confusion *lighten our hearts* >>PlAy<< and simply enjoy each other's company and as you say //Grow Together//. And I might like to add that you and Zach are very fortunate to have found each other.

All my love to you as always,

And here's some silly shit to throw in the mix :)

Failure on My Part

My brain must be wired incorrectly as ever so often I slip into effeteness and need to remind myself of a few things - I'll make a brief list of reminders

1. Healthy appetite - no wasteful eating, if you aren't consciously appreciating the food that is being put in your body then do not consume it. Mindless eating is wasteful and provides comfort that I do not want or need.

2. Do not over sleep - as my prayer before every meal reminds me, that I am graced with this spirit and this consciousness and will be wise to take every opportunity presented to me to enjoy this life to its fullest - do not waste it by sleeping.

3. Get on top of your graduate applications by
A. Recommendations straight
B. Proof read my senior seminar paper
C. Request for Transcripts in
D. Study for the GRE

4. Worry about employment till after you've applied to graduate school.
5. Do NOT forget to relax, keep a steady temperament, be fluid, and most importantly **Be Comfortable in Your Aloness"

All my love and more to you Leslie >>> <3 <<<

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Such Vivid Dream

I entered Mary Grace's home in order to help her organize her things in order to prepare her for moving. The house was filled with all sorts of nick-nacks, and a few people seemed to be perusing her items as if it was a thrift/costume store. Unfortunately I waited to long to write down this dream and thus have forgotten all the slight details - Damn it! However, I soon walked up the steps and entered a large room with sky lights. A few feet away a tribe was performing a tribal dance with adorning garbs of every brilliant shade of color from the sun rhythmically playing various instruments and twirling and stamping staffs and spears. Mary Grace saw my ebullient expression, looked to me with a warm smile, and asked it I would like to have the costumes. With a gleam in my eyes I said I would be honored, as a grim spread across my face and my shoulders hit my ears. What would I do with all these costumes and props? I believe I decided that I would share them with my festie friends, we would choreograph a dance together, and share it with out dearest festival community.
How fabulous now is that experience!

Asheville - Day of the Dead

An amazing experience to be had in Asheville - I am entirely lucky to have fallen in such a right place at the right moment, being graced with such warm company. We arranged to have a group of new and old friends to have lunch at Kristen's work who was having a Day of the Dead celebration, held in the courtyard of the restaurant. Liz and I were the first to arrive, sitting down to enjoy their specialty drink which was in someway a mix of Mojito and Mint Julip.

I was able to eat and celebrate this gracious day with new friends I had met the previous night, as well as a good friend Nick who happened to be traveling through Ashville as well, along with old friends from Memphis. What a perfect night with my friends - the Day of the Dead commences the day after Halloween and is a day to not morn the dead, but rather to celebrate their spirits and invite them to join us in our feted gathering.

In addition to eating some delicious vegetarian food, there were slips of paper and pens with which each person was able to write a letter to a spirit. The paper was then placed into paper boats that hung in several places around the terrace. The boats of letters were then to be delivered to the deceased by sending them down the river.

We were also invited as guests of this occult celebration to write an invitation to the spirit on a doily and choose a sugar skull and candle. Each person was then asked to bring the items to the alter, place the skull on top of the invitation and light a candle - giving it our sincerest and warmest blessing.

This moment brought tears to my eyes as I honored my dearest friend Tommy - how grateful I am to have had his presence and influence in my life. To have his spirit with me at this celebration was redoubtable as I was surrounded by loving friends and a glowing city. The warmth I felt during such a dark celebration was oddly of the most welcoming, warm, and freaky that I have experienced.

Thank you Asheville for such an adventure.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Thank you Schtompa!

To Ioana

"A few sketches here and there are getting filled by color and texture, some tears and dust here and there, but mostly sparkles and feathers…We don’t know what the painting will look like at the end. Something tells me it will be beautiful, but most of all it will be our painting. "

As you had mentioned earlier - the picture is never going to be complete - I've always felt that if one has reached a point of satisfaction, you have also reached a point of stagnation. In many ways its a balance of being voracious when we look to the future WHILE finding fulfillment in the now. So in this sense, I believe that your picture is already beautiful and unique and will continue to change and be.

I also completely empathize with you - it is so difficult to believe that weekend after weekend after weekend I have fallen into beautiful spaces full of beautiful people - each connection adding just a little bit more to my knowledge about the world and about myself. I can't express to you how fortunate we truly are.

Love as always,

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Why do I pretend that I'm not a good lover or that I'm not a good cook - I am well capable of doing both. Stop being shy about it - let the light shine.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Dear Zach and Yo-Yo

O Hai, Zach and Yo-Yo!

I appreciate your intuition to seek me out at PDF and scoop me up - I never thought that after only a weekend such a relationship would fostered – a few words to describe…

As I may have mentioned, I used to have serious issues with *j e a l o u s y* Within my first few weeks of being consciously introspective, I quickly came to recognize that feelings of jealousy were frequent and excessive – jealous of other’s success, happiness, intellect, confidence, sexuality – everything that would be defined in social interactions. Since that last September, I was fortunate enough to have a series of experiences and revelations that led me to my current glowing head space. Among many conclusions, I came to recognize that my jealousy was the primary inhibitor to personal development and ultimately self-love. While I indubitably conversed with these individuals, gaining knowledge of any perspective at hand, a piece of my mind expressed undertones of resentment. These undertones prevented me from actively taking the next step in becoming my ideal self. I concluded:

**While recognizing that some are further along their paths than others, my path is unique and progressive with unrelenting hope that I will foster self-love. Squash feelings of jealousy and resentment and cherish these interactions, allowing them to effectuate inspiration and motivation**

That being said…the moment I stepped in my car to return home, my mind degenerated back to green and my insecurities resurfaced as I slid back to square one. With guidance from Osho, I did not fight my jealousy but rather mediated on it and I quickly remembered what I had taught myself these past few months – turning intimidation into motivation. I remain confident that I’m on my right course and with your company I am excited to challenge myself. While many aspects of this knowledge are merely theoretical, I can make this potential energy kinetic. While I have a terrific resume and GPA for Social Research, I have one month to achieve a fantastic GRE score to add to the list. I also plan to apply to some more outstanding Social Research schools that are out-of-state such as Austin or Chicago, taking on extra costs at my own expense - the primary goal being to find the best challenging program for me.

It’s all too much fun and I hope to share again with you soon.

Love as always,


Monday, September 20, 2010

Poi and Meditation - from Elliot

I write -

I decided two weekends ago that meditation by staying perfectly still was not for me and that I would start using various forms of movement to give my mind a break. While I almost always do this at shows when I dance my ass off, I can't wait to do my own form of meditation with my poi.

Love to you as always all the way from the East Coast,

Elliot writes -

poi is a great form of meditation. i've always found the same to be true with me... simply sitting and relaxing my mind in order to clear it isn't as effective for me as doing something. poi is an amazing tool for that, it's not like you really have to think too hard about what you're doing (unless you're trying to learn something new specifically) but gives your mind an outlet and something to lose focus on. for instance when i'm spinning i don't really think about the goings on of my life, other people, desires... anything. not even really what "move" or "trick" i'm doing... i let myself focus on the flow, and probably the most direct thoughts i have are about whether i'm pleased with the way it feels or disappointed. disappointed isn't really even the right word... it's more like i either like what i'm doing or what to try something different. the poi control themselves in a sense, they go where they want to with minimal interaction from you...

lol now that i got all profound and mysterious... i think you'll have much success using them for that purpose :)

Honoring the Divine Femine


Take a conscious breath -
In Out

Feel the steady heart that radiates into a glowing aura, enveloping my body -
A strong sensation of love for myself that germinates from my core.

Now feel my arms around you,
Your arms around me,
My head against your head,
Your head against mine.

Through an exothermic reaction between the exchange of our most purest and joyous energy, sparks of light form between our matter.

Now feel my cheek against your cheek,
Your cheek against mine.

Take a conscious breath -
Feel the wavelengths settle, relax, and sigh.

Bask in the afterglow.

At this convergence, our pathways have merged for a moment in time and space. With the recognition that out two pathways are different - some further along than others, this connection exists as a celebration of our ultimate journey for self love and love for others.

“Happy Burn-Day”.