Such good feelings are inside of me.
It seems to me that people want to pull the bad out of me.
Looking for a problem, wanting to solve an issue.
Yes i have them, I know they exist, but let me ignore them.
I am happy - I have held on to these feelings - I will hold onto these feelings.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Birthday Wishes - 24 Years of LML
began to learn how to cook,
**For 24 - I truly hope that after I've gained a little more self-confidence, I can start giving back to the scene that has given me countless beautiful experiences - whether it be raves, electronic, hippie, burns, performance art**
Trip 2011
Longer Trip (plus Junst another Desert Party) = 7,775 miHigh Estimate@ 10mi/gal = 777.5 gal@ $5/gal = $3887@ 4 people = $971Low Estimate@15mi/gal = 518 gal@ $4/gal = $2027@ 4 people = $518Shorter Trip (MINUS Just Another Desert Party) = 6,893 mi.
High Estimate@10mi/gal = 689 gallons@ $5/gal = $3446@ 4 people = $861Low Estimate@ 15mi/gal = 460 gallons@ $4/gal = $1840@ 4 people = $460
---------------------------------------- May 27-30 - Silverado, CA - Lightning in a BottleJune 10 - Snowflake, Arizona - Just Another Desert PartyJune 25-27 - Denver, CO - Sonic BloomJuly 4 - Nevada - Fourth of JuPlayaJuly 14-17 - Grantsville, UT - Element 11 (reginonal burn)Northern CaliforniaPortland, OR
Denver, CO
Lincoln, NE
July 21 - 24 - Hogrock Ranch, Cave in Rock, IL - Underground sound 7
Other - MoonTribe?
Back to RICHMOND, VA
this Dream
Many bits of it remain hazy; however, I somewhere began being involved with this guy that I found extraordinarily attractive. After flirting with him for quite some time and letting tension build up over a long period of time, we both pounced on each other in a mad embrace. While our tongues were in twined with each other, my lover began taking his finger and scrubbing the scum off my teeth.
For this I take as a sign as a need to continue my independence through singularity. Relationships at this time are a distraction from fully enjoying this world, involving unnecessary complications that can detract from the beautiful environment at hand. In addition, a relationship can be seen as a threat to my confidence and self-love, taking the risk that this one might tear you down. At this point, I am proud of who I am, what I have accomplished, the things I've seen, the things of experienced, the opportunities that have been presented to me. Remain independent, remain a free spirit.
After leaving this situation and slightly startled, I finally made my way to the festival, the campground similar to that of Camp Zoe. It began with a nostalgia hue, coming up to the top of a hill and looking down on a scene viewed through the lens of the 60s and 70s, antique coloring and all. All the folks rested upon the hill, socialized on the picnic tables, and sang a long with the acoustic band that had inspired the moment.
Taking in the view, I began to tear up thinking to myself that people have found this enjoyment and celebration of life for years before. How naive was I to have thought this was something new. Unlike every other artistic outlet (and yes, I'm biased), music truly has the power to bring people together in its most natural sense, strangers exchanging words, musicians expressing emotions, everyone having the freedom to be themselves in its entirety. How often do you have the opportunity to sit around and just talk. be open and honest, all forgiven and excused, and listen to music in such a beautiful setting?
It may be possible that one of these guys saw my reaction and approached me, wondering where I had been last year - they had been looking for me. I may have replied that I was traveling elsewhere and began exchanging adventures and opportunities that had happened to cross our paths, as we walked around the festival together, admiring the intricate costumes and decorations of Egyptian theme (?).
I soon began to notice that there were many older, mature men in suits and ties standing near the sides and equipment. I commented that no one at a festival should be wearing a suit and tie, except for maybe an exquisitely patterned sport jacket. As I looked a little closer, however, even though the jackets looked rather dull and business-like, the patterns were in fact subtle, delicate, and elaborate. I began to continue on my travels in order to not overstay my welcome with the professionals and continued to enjoy the festival.
Three of the men I had at one time or another met approached me and began a conversation, with a realization down the line that they were the ones that put on the festival. These three guys were older, wiser, with kind faces, the faces of men that truly had enjoyed their lifetime - genuine smiles. We climbed into a VW bus, which in actuality was full sized. They explained that one guy handled the finances, one handled the artists, and the other handled the legality and permits. The three men came to the realization that my business was the festival business.
My dream then trailed off into logistics - its difficult to make a living off of throwing festivals, unless it was a monthly event - and even then it would be difficult.
Logistics, logistics - as Hunter S. Thompson concluded in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at the abandoned gas station is that the dream is to do what you love. So here we go.
For this I take as a sign as a need to continue my independence through singularity. Relationships at this time are a distraction from fully enjoying this world, involving unnecessary complications that can detract from the beautiful environment at hand. In addition, a relationship can be seen as a threat to my confidence and self-love, taking the risk that this one might tear you down. At this point, I am proud of who I am, what I have accomplished, the things I've seen, the things of experienced, the opportunities that have been presented to me. Remain independent, remain a free spirit.
After leaving this situation and slightly startled, I finally made my way to the festival, the campground similar to that of Camp Zoe. It began with a nostalgia hue, coming up to the top of a hill and looking down on a scene viewed through the lens of the 60s and 70s, antique coloring and all. All the folks rested upon the hill, socialized on the picnic tables, and sang a long with the acoustic band that had inspired the moment.
Taking in the view, I began to tear up thinking to myself that people have found this enjoyment and celebration of life for years before. How naive was I to have thought this was something new. Unlike every other artistic outlet (and yes, I'm biased), music truly has the power to bring people together in its most natural sense, strangers exchanging words, musicians expressing emotions, everyone having the freedom to be themselves in its entirety. How often do you have the opportunity to sit around and just talk. be open and honest, all forgiven and excused, and listen to music in such a beautiful setting?
It may be possible that one of these guys saw my reaction and approached me, wondering where I had been last year - they had been looking for me. I may have replied that I was traveling elsewhere and began exchanging adventures and opportunities that had happened to cross our paths, as we walked around the festival together, admiring the intricate costumes and decorations of Egyptian theme (?).
I soon began to notice that there were many older, mature men in suits and ties standing near the sides and equipment. I commented that no one at a festival should be wearing a suit and tie, except for maybe an exquisitely patterned sport jacket. As I looked a little closer, however, even though the jackets looked rather dull and business-like, the patterns were in fact subtle, delicate, and elaborate. I began to continue on my travels in order to not overstay my welcome with the professionals and continued to enjoy the festival.
Three of the men I had at one time or another met approached me and began a conversation, with a realization down the line that they were the ones that put on the festival. These three guys were older, wiser, with kind faces, the faces of men that truly had enjoyed their lifetime - genuine smiles. We climbed into a VW bus, which in actuality was full sized. They explained that one guy handled the finances, one handled the artists, and the other handled the legality and permits. The three men came to the realization that my business was the festival business.
My dream then trailed off into logistics - its difficult to make a living off of throwing festivals, unless it was a monthly event - and even then it would be difficult.
Logistics, logistics - as Hunter S. Thompson concluded in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at the abandoned gas station is that the dream is to do what you love. So here we go.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
From Travis on DnB thingz
Hey whats up! Sorry I've been so busy lately... got a project due at 8am tomorrow and 2 flash web assignments, eek! Give me a call at 352 219 3620, might be easier :)
As for music, I only spin vinyl so I usually download mixes. For live shows - et.btree.org / thetradersden
For torrents... demonoid.com, torrentspy, soundcloud.com, beatport (to buy), thepiratebay, itunes (to buy), dogs on acid is good... probably the biggest dnb forum...
http://liftedmusic.co.uk/forum/
http://floridadnb.com/phpBB2/ http://www.enation.org/forums/
http://www.thelowdown.org/ - lots of great stuff but you have to dig
http://www.shroomery.org/ - in the music forum & pub, have to dig even more
Also the dubstep forums, I don't go on them but I can find them if you want me to
rapidshare, megaupload, etc...
private torrent trackers (have to find an invite, sorry I don't have any :( ... waffles.co.uk? & what.cd demonoid.com
Grooveshark.com is awesome (limited downloads)
Write down music you like from grooveshark & pandora.com and search for it in google or a rapidshare-like site
I also use social networks... twitter/fb and watch what people post. Soundcloud is good for updates... I also do lots of harddrive exchanges. Also just finding music blogs and browsing through the circles of links. I'll try to find some other stuff for you when I have free time!
Hope this helps a bit! Take care!!!
As for music, I only spin vinyl so I usually download mixes. For live shows - et.btree.org / thetradersden
For torrents... demonoid.com, torrentspy, soundcloud.com, beatport (to buy), thepiratebay, itunes (to buy), dogs on acid is good... probably the biggest dnb forum...
http://liftedmusic.co.uk/forum/
http://floridadnb.com/phpBB2/ http://www.enation.org/forums/
http://www.thelowdown.org/ - lots of great stuff but you have to dig
http://www.shroomery.org/ - in the music forum & pub, have to dig even more
Also the dubstep forums, I don't go on them but I can find them if you want me to
rapidshare, megaupload, etc...
private torrent trackers (have to find an invite, sorry I don't have any :( ... waffles.co.uk? & what.cd demonoid.com
Grooveshark.com is awesome (limited downloads)
Write down music you like from grooveshark & pandora.com and search for it in google or a rapidshare-like site
I also use social networks... twitter/fb and watch what people post. Soundcloud is good for updates... I also do lots of harddrive exchanges. Also just finding music blogs and browsing through the circles of links. I'll try to find some other stuff for you when I have free time!
Hope this helps a bit! Take care!!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
The Drummer
Even though I have returned home from my travels for only a week, I can see myself slipping back into my stagnant routine - switching through my few hobbies so frequently, that little focus or patience has truly be given to any of them. It is truly difficult to be *alone* and to create your motivation entirely from within.
Watching this film, as an outside force, reminded me of my path and motivated me to continue my practice with poi and music. As the director transfers,
"If you drum for one week, you will have one week's worth of skill. If you drum for three years, you will have three years worth of skill. There is no short cut"
While the zen drummers have a community and support system to encourage each other to work hard, learn, and grow - I, alone, must continue to develop myself, to work hard, to learn, and to grow. I am so fortunate to have had watch a movie that would inspire to continue my work.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha
On the properties of water:
"Fondly he gazed into the rushing water, into the transparent green, into the crystalline lines of its mysterious design. He saw bright pearls rising up from the depths, tranquil air bubbles swimming to the reflective surface, imaging the blue of the sky. With a thousand eyes the river gazed at him, with green, with white, with crystalline, with azure eyes. How he loved this water, how it enchanted him, how grateful he was to it! In his heart he heard the voice speaking, the newly awakened voice, and it said to him: Love this water! Stay here! Learn from it! O yes, he wanted to learn from the water, he wanted to listen to it. Whoever understood this water and its secrets, it seemed to him, that person would understand much else, many secrets, all secrets. Of the river's secrets, however, today he saw only one that seized his soul: This water ran on and on, it always ran, and yet it always was there, it was always and ever the same and yet at every moment new! Lucky the man who grasped this, who understood this! He did not understand or grasp it, he only sensed the stirring of a surmise, a distant memory, divine voices." (81)
"The river is everywhere at once, at its origin and at its mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the rapis, in the sea, in the mountains, everywhere at the same time, and for it only the present exists, no shadow of the past, no shadow of the future?" (85)
On wisdom and peace of mind:
I will begin by saying that the book did not strike my fancy to begin with - as Siddhartha often separated himself from the "child people", viewing himself as higher in consciousness. For about 4/5 of the book, till the end, did he eventually dissipate the line he had drawn. This ideology in essence truly made me resent his character, as I hold humility above any other value.
However, there are several characteristics about Siddhartha that I most certainly did agree with - that in the end helped me to reaffirm some of my own beliefs.
The first one - being an experiential learner. Siddhartha throughout the book refuses to learn from teachers and seeks his own path from which to learn, a knowledge and understanding that he can only truly grasp through first-hand experience. In this sense, experience is completely tangible. [Which is exactly the reason why I felt this book was largely irrelevant for me to read as it was intangible to my life - learning from someone elses path that is so different from mine seems silly].
Furthermore, I agree with his final conclusion that one should accept how the world is, rather than comparing it to some abstract ideal conception of perfection. As I have spoken with many of my friends - the debate as to whether one should strive to change themselves into their "ideal" being or to simply accept and love who they currently are. He writes,
"With body and soul I have experienced my own great need to sin, to seek pleasure, to strive for possessions, to be indolent, and a need for the most shameful despair, in order to learn to cede my resistance, to learn to love the world, to learn no longer to compare it to a world I desired and imagined, to some preconceived sort of perfection, rather to leave it as it is, to love it, and to enjoy belonging to it." (111)
In different words, Siddhartha also discusses how striving for a goal that is virtually unacheivable - what is perfection? When is the goal attained? All such abstract comments. Siddhartha notes that if you focus on the goal, you will miss out on what is currently in front of you to enjoy.
"When someone seeks," Siddhartha answered, "then it happens all too easily that his eyes will see only the thing he is seeking, that he cannot find anything, cannot let anything in, because he is always thinking only of that thing he seeks, because he has a goal, because he is possessed by the goal. Seeking means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal. You, Venerable One, may indeed be a seeker, for striving toward your goal, there is much you do not see which is right before your eyes" (pg. 109-110)
By striving to achieve perfection, to change yourself, you will not be able to enjoy yourself as you are.
Simply put: enjoy as is. Some may even connect to this to the mantra of the present - enjoy the present moment.
And finally, Siddhartha notes that wisdom is an act, unable to be conveyed through words.
"One can convey knowledge but not wisdom. One can find wisdom, one can live it, one can be borne by it, one can work wonders with it, but one can neither speak it nor teach it" (110).
"Fondly he gazed into the rushing water, into the transparent green, into the crystalline lines of its mysterious design. He saw bright pearls rising up from the depths, tranquil air bubbles swimming to the reflective surface, imaging the blue of the sky. With a thousand eyes the river gazed at him, with green, with white, with crystalline, with azure eyes. How he loved this water, how it enchanted him, how grateful he was to it! In his heart he heard the voice speaking, the newly awakened voice, and it said to him: Love this water! Stay here! Learn from it! O yes, he wanted to learn from the water, he wanted to listen to it. Whoever understood this water and its secrets, it seemed to him, that person would understand much else, many secrets, all secrets. Of the river's secrets, however, today he saw only one that seized his soul: This water ran on and on, it always ran, and yet it always was there, it was always and ever the same and yet at every moment new! Lucky the man who grasped this, who understood this! He did not understand or grasp it, he only sensed the stirring of a surmise, a distant memory, divine voices." (81)
"The river is everywhere at once, at its origin and at its mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the rapis, in the sea, in the mountains, everywhere at the same time, and for it only the present exists, no shadow of the past, no shadow of the future?" (85)
On wisdom and peace of mind:
I will begin by saying that the book did not strike my fancy to begin with - as Siddhartha often separated himself from the "child people", viewing himself as higher in consciousness. For about 4/5 of the book, till the end, did he eventually dissipate the line he had drawn. This ideology in essence truly made me resent his character, as I hold humility above any other value.
However, there are several characteristics about Siddhartha that I most certainly did agree with - that in the end helped me to reaffirm some of my own beliefs.
The first one - being an experiential learner. Siddhartha throughout the book refuses to learn from teachers and seeks his own path from which to learn, a knowledge and understanding that he can only truly grasp through first-hand experience. In this sense, experience is completely tangible. [Which is exactly the reason why I felt this book was largely irrelevant for me to read as it was intangible to my life - learning from someone elses path that is so different from mine seems silly].
Furthermore, I agree with his final conclusion that one should accept how the world is, rather than comparing it to some abstract ideal conception of perfection. As I have spoken with many of my friends - the debate as to whether one should strive to change themselves into their "ideal" being or to simply accept and love who they currently are. He writes,
"With body and soul I have experienced my own great need to sin, to seek pleasure, to strive for possessions, to be indolent, and a need for the most shameful despair, in order to learn to cede my resistance, to learn to love the world, to learn no longer to compare it to a world I desired and imagined, to some preconceived sort of perfection, rather to leave it as it is, to love it, and to enjoy belonging to it." (111)
In different words, Siddhartha also discusses how striving for a goal that is virtually unacheivable - what is perfection? When is the goal attained? All such abstract comments. Siddhartha notes that if you focus on the goal, you will miss out on what is currently in front of you to enjoy.
"When someone seeks," Siddhartha answered, "then it happens all too easily that his eyes will see only the thing he is seeking, that he cannot find anything, cannot let anything in, because he is always thinking only of that thing he seeks, because he has a goal, because he is possessed by the goal. Seeking means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal. You, Venerable One, may indeed be a seeker, for striving toward your goal, there is much you do not see which is right before your eyes" (pg. 109-110)
By striving to achieve perfection, to change yourself, you will not be able to enjoy yourself as you are.
Simply put: enjoy as is. Some may even connect to this to the mantra of the present - enjoy the present moment.
And finally, Siddhartha notes that wisdom is an act, unable to be conveyed through words.
"One can convey knowledge but not wisdom. One can find wisdom, one can live it, one can be borne by it, one can work wonders with it, but one can neither speak it nor teach it" (110).
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